If you keep Bear Traps in your home, you are ten times as likely to die in a bear trap related accident.

Quite possibly the only election joke you'll see all year.

These great poets make it look so easy.

One of my residents said that she really enjoyed playing Friend Tag with me. She wants to know if I want to go to dinner sometime, just as friends. Is that cool?

So where do you go to school? Isn’t that in Connecticut?

The classic spaghetti scene.

The Stanford in Harvard program allows students to sit in on real Harvard lectures for only $8 a pop.

“An essential addition to any household. Hank should be required parenting for anyone who is planning to have an adolescent of their own some day.” —Hank’s Step-Father

Billboards are the most persuasive form of advertising in America.  Do you agree? Are there billboards where you come from? Where is home? How would you like a brand new car?

But can you find your way back to the place where cashmere meets cash-ual?

Chapter 10: The Museum of Cleft Chins and Calloused Hands in Gary, Indiana

Publishers notes on camp.

They said that he could never be a spaceman. Guess who's about to enter orbit.

He moves mindlessly through Walgreens apparently unaware that neither the Hostess pastries nor the Head and Shoulders will help him make correct change.

Congratulations. You are the 1,000,000th visitor to this site with erectile dysfunction!

Ain’t no mirror need to be staring back at me. Damn stink eye mirror.

In Aussie rules football the ball is advanced by boogie boarding.

If this were in USA Today the graph would be presented as stairs into a hot tub.

So don't impregnate a girl until you get a ring.

FUN FACT: A woman who handled broken pills gave birth to a baby without a mouth.

What? Are you embarrassed to be seen walking through the streets holding hands with a pug dog?

You’re that dirty cop everyone’s talking about. Dirty Dave or something.

Hey, have you guys ever heard about the time I got stuck waiting for a train, and all of these crackpots started telling their crazy stories?

Oh George, you don’t understand Chaos Theory at all! When you weren’t born, it caused the creation of a WHOLE DIFFERENT TIMELINE.

From the people who brought you peanut butter and jelly in a single substance.

A dog barks. Bark is part of a tree. Females are beautiful and absolute zero is the temperature at which all molecular activity stops, so thanks for the compliment.

Kids share their funny (and touching) thoughts.

by Paul Simon

In 1954, a 7th grade girl named Suzie Thomas was riding her bicycle and ran over the mother of a group of ducklings. The traumatized ducklings were left in a panicked mania, for the tragic death raised a peculiar paradox regarding who the rightful heir to the title of Mother was.

I am the fattest toddler around, yet no on can harness any good out of me.

Thank you for the beautiful belt. It looks great around my waste.

Education: BS, Children's Magic, Jerusalem University

I’ve heard a lot about HootyClowns.com. When would be a good time to buy?